[Exit, Pursued By A Sloth]

alexandersoverbite:

luvtheviking:

truebloodilluminated:

All the Bill hate needs to stop. He may be annoying and all “sookeeeeeyyy soookeeeyyy i luv u,” around Sookie, but besides that, he is a super attractive vampire king and a BAMF. So shut it people.

he needs to die. end of the story. his imitations of Eric’s style almost killed me LMAO!

do you even have a good reason to hate him anymore? before i think it was earned with him lying to sookie, killing the queen etc. but now you moan about him being generous and letting tara live, him dressing in black and copying erics clothes and imitating his performance? when does this end..

It never ends. I could power a Perpetual Motion machine based solely on  my Bill hate. Just because he’s not crying his sad Telenovela tears over  his Sookeh doesn’t make him cool now.
He’s still lying. 
He’s still lying even when he has no reason to lie. 
He’s still a smarmy douchecanoe. 
He’s still a coward. 
He still only does good when it costs him nothing, which would be fine if he didn’t try to act like he’s Jesus H. Vampire. 
He still takes the easy way out just about every single time. 
He still killed that vampire that got set up to be caught feeding, even when he thought he was innocent, because it was easier for Bill just to kill him. 
He still let the Rattrays beat the shit out of Sookie, just so she would be forced to take his blood or die (which he’s had to pay merry little penance for). 
He still try to murder Amnesia!Eric when he was in no position to fight back, and lied to Nan about the situation in order to get permission (which meant he knew Eric didn’t warrant execution, he just wanted to kill his rival while he was vulnerable). 
He has a ritual execution stake that he keeps in a velvet-lined fancy box (and if you think that isn’t creepy, try to imagine if Bobby Jindal had a needle full o Potassium chloride in a velvet-lined fancy box). 
He still killed that really nice stripper. 
I hate that he thinks he’s the only vampire that can control himself  around Sookie, when in reality he’s the only vampire whose ever lost  control around Sookie. 
He still left visible fangmarks on Sookie when there was a fangbanger-killing serial killer in town, when he could have healed them (I’m sure if he could still produce urine, he would have peed on her, too).
He’s still under delusions of his own grandeur. 
His house is super tacky. I hate his stupid chintzy chandeliers and ceramic elephant and zebra-skin rug and books that are just for decoration. 
He’s still being a mediocre-at-best maker to Jess. 
He’s still bemoaning his humanitahhhyy one minute, and reducing a man’s life to monetary compensation the next. 
He chokes and threatens and bullies his subordinates as the first resort and calls it leadership. 
I hate how other characters are reduced to prop him up, particularly the female characters (like making Pam a hysterical useless female more concerned about her looks than her family, or making Sookie dumb as a bag of hair, or Sophie-Anne a bratty teen who was easier to kill than a dodo). 
I hate his stupid Southern Gentleman routine he breaks out whenever he’s trying to manipulate people (which I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with, if he didn’t whine about Eric being such a manipulator). 
I hate that his entire existence is affectation. 
But most of all, I hate that the show expects me to like and feel sympathy for this assclown.

alexandersoverbite:

luvtheviking:

truebloodilluminated:

All the Bill hate needs to stop. He may be annoying and all “sookeeeeeyyy soookeeeyyy i luv u,” around Sookie, but besides that, he is a super attractive vampire king and a BAMF. So shut it people.

he needs to die. end of the story. his imitations of Eric’s style almost killed me LMAO!

do you even have a good reason to hate him anymore? before i think it was earned with him lying to sookie, killing the queen etc. but now you moan about him being generous and letting tara live, him dressing in black and copying erics clothes and imitating his performance? when does this end..

It never ends. I could power a Perpetual Motion machine based solely on my Bill hate. Just because he’s not crying his sad Telenovela tears over his Sookeh doesn’t make him cool now.

  • He’s still lying.
  • He’s still lying even when he has no reason to lie.
  • He’s still a smarmy douchecanoe.
  • He’s still a coward.
  • He still only does good when it costs him nothing, which would be fine if he didn’t try to act like he’s Jesus H. Vampire. 
  • He still takes the easy way out just about every single time.
  • He still killed that vampire that got set up to be caught feeding, even when he thought he was innocent, because it was easier for Bill just to kill him.
  • He still let the Rattrays beat the shit out of Sookie, just so she would be forced to take his blood or die (which he’s had to pay merry little penance for).
  • He still try to murder Amnesia!Eric when he was in no position to fight back, and lied to Nan about the situation in order to get permission (which meant he knew Eric didn’t warrant execution, he just wanted to kill his rival while he was vulnerable).
  • He has a ritual execution stake that he keeps in a velvet-lined fancy box (and if you think that isn’t creepy, try to imagine if Bobby Jindal had a needle full o Potassium chloride in a velvet-lined fancy box).
  • He still killed that really nice stripper.
  • I hate that he thinks he’s the only vampire that can control himself around Sookie, when in reality he’s the only vampire whose ever lost control around Sookie. 
  • He still left visible fangmarks on Sookie when there was a fangbanger-killing serial killer in town, when he could have healed them (I’m sure if he could still produce urine, he would have peed on her, too).
  • He’s still under delusions of his own grandeur.
  • His house is super tacky. I hate his stupid chintzy chandeliers and ceramic elephant and zebra-skin rug and books that are just for decoration.
  • He’s still being a mediocre-at-best maker to Jess.
  • He’s still bemoaning his humanitahhhyy one minute, and reducing a man’s life to monetary compensation the next.
  • He chokes and threatens and bullies his subordinates as the first resort and calls it leadership.
  • I hate how other characters are reduced to prop him up, particularly the female characters (like making Pam a hysterical useless female more concerned about her looks than her family, or making Sookie dumb as a bag of hair, or Sophie-Anne a bratty teen who was easier to kill than a dodo).
  • I hate his stupid Southern Gentleman routine he breaks out whenever he’s trying to manipulate people (which I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with, if he didn’t whine about Eric being such a manipulator).
  • I hate that his entire existence is affectation.

But most of all, I hate that the show expects me to like and feel sympathy for this assclown.

(Source: cinegasmic)

teadrinker21:

Bill haters rain on the internet :/ Sorry he isn’t as hot as Eric, that probably is the only reason people like Eric so much.

It’s ‘reign’, not ‘rain’. Unless you are trying to say that ‘Bill Haters Are A Meteorological Phenomenon Involving The Condensation Of Atmospheric Water Vapor Into Drops Of Water Heavy Enough To Fall To The Surface of The Internet’.
And I don’t hate Bill because Eric is pretty. I hate Bill for Bill. He’s a big boy now, he can earn his own well-deserved hate parade. ‘Do the right thing’ my ass. I’m sure 35 years of human trafficking for the Queen of Louisiana in order to further his own political ambitions was really the Right Thing To Do. I know, why don’t we ask all those boys and girls he ‘procured’ if they thought that was the Right Thing To Do. Oh, wait, they’re probably all dead now, so I guess we can’t. Sucks to be them.

teadrinker21:

Bill haters rain on the internet :/ Sorry he isn’t as hot as Eric, that probably is the only reason people like Eric so much.

It’s ‘reign’, not ‘rain’. Unless you are trying to say that ‘Bill Haters Are A Meteorological Phenomenon Involving The Condensation Of Atmospheric Water Vapor Into Drops Of Water Heavy Enough To Fall To The Surface of The Internet’.

And I don’t hate Bill because Eric is pretty. I hate Bill for Bill. He’s a big boy now, he can earn his own well-deserved hate parade. ‘Do the right thing’ my ass. I’m sure 35 years of human trafficking for the Queen of Louisiana in order to further his own political ambitions was really the Right Thing To Do. I know, why don’t we ask all those boys and girls he ‘procured’ if they thought that was the Right Thing To Do. Oh, wait, they’re probably all dead now, so I guess we can’t. Sucks to be them.

(Source: )

luvtheviking:

truebloodandeverythingelse:

“Just Say No to Hate.”

Yeah….untill Marntonia and Eric join the party LMAO!!!

Okay, after seeing this poster full of perky twits and smirking dickweeds, I fully support Bewitched!Eric crashing through a window Batman-style and going all Carrie on this Festival of Douchieness. May the Viking make the crepe paper streamers sodden and mushy with the blood of the smarmy.

luvtheviking:

truebloodandeverythingelse:

“Just Say No to Hate.”

Yeah….untill Marntonia and Eric join the party LMAO!!!

Okay, after seeing this poster full of perky twits and smirking dickweeds, I fully support Bewitched!Eric crashing through a window Batman-style and going all Carrie on this Festival of Douchieness. May the Viking make the crepe paper streamers sodden and mushy with the blood of the smarmy.

Hey there, Bill. My, you certainly are looking suspiciously well for a vampire who just got silvered in the face with a giant Celtic cross and choked with a silver chain. How did you get out of that little predicament, buddy? That seems a frequent occurrence with you, do the writers just abandon all their own rules with you to justify your  presence, or is silver-tolerance some kind of special ability with you? And I fail to see bloody flesh or wounds of any kind, like you’ve healed or something…did you stop to snack on a bit of witch once you used your Pocket Full of Miracles to once again get yourself out of silver? Or did you snack on one of your own men? Who’d ya bite? Holly and Mr. No Friends were the ones to silver you, but they seemed just dandy after the fight…questions, questions, likely ne’er to be answered.

Hey there, Bill. My, you certainly are looking suspiciously well for a vampire who just got silvered in the face with a giant Celtic cross and choked with a silver chain. How did you get out of that little predicament, buddy? That seems a frequent occurrence with you, do the writers just abandon all their own rules with you to justify your presence, or is silver-tolerance some kind of special ability with you? And I fail to see bloody flesh or wounds of any kind, like you’ve healed or something…did you stop to snack on a bit of witch once you used your Pocket Full of Miracles to once again get yourself out of silver? Or did you snack on one of your own men? Who’d ya bite? Holly and Mr. No Friends were the ones to silver you, but they seemed just dandy after the fight…questions, questions, likely ne’er to be answered.

At this point, I kinda wanted Alcide to run in like the sweaty drunken frat-boy that runs in front of news cameras at sports games, yell “WELL I LOVE SOOKIE ELEVENTY-BILLION TIMES AS MUCH! SO SUCK ON THAT, BITCHES! WEREWOLVES RULE AND FANGERS DROOL! WHOOOOOOO!!!”, chug a Pabst Blue Ribbon, throw some devil horns (dropping the half-full can in the process), make the “OOOIT OOOIT!” noise, and wander back out.

It would be like, so symbolic and shit.

khaleesing:

i wish all of the bill compton fangirls knew that he raped sookie in the novels. he is nothing like he is on the tv show.

He raped her on the show, too, just less obviously. Getting a girl beaten up nearly to death just so you can fill her with your Magical Rohypnol (which you tell her is only Magical Advil, and fail to inform her of all the side effects even when she asks), which she is forced to take or die, and then while she is under its influence, you nail her, THAT’S RAPE.

You can’t just go around forcing girls into situations where they either take your mind-altering drugs or die, and then mount them while they are under the influence without getting called a rapist. Because you are one.

On How I Actually Think This Season Of True Blood Was Pretty Awesome, or, I Have Seen Goody Compton Consorting With The Devil!

So this season of True Blood…what a tricksy bitch you’ve been. I know many are rending their garments and ululating their despair over recent events, the whole season, fuckin’ Sookie, and looking forward to watching the season finale about as much as watching a basket of kittens get euthanized.

Normally, I would be with them. But I find myself strangely hopeful, and here’s why:

Minerva, pining for the fjords.

You remember Minerva the Dead Parrot, way back in episode one. Notice those symbols around the ex-parrot? Those are the sigils used to call the demon Frucissiere, a demon who can raise the dead, or appear to raise the dead (and wouldn’t you know it, that’s just what Minerva did).

This book makes a lovely Mother's Day gift.

This is taken from the Grimoirium Verum, The Most Approved Keys of Solomon (as in King Solomon) an ancient book of magic with a focus on demons. Solomon was said to control demons with the aid of a magic ring. Speaking of rings, isn’t there some smarmy douchecanoe that got himself a shiny new pinky ring this year?

I think Marnie has been possessed by a demon, and both of them have been using Antonia’s necromancy skills (Frucissiere was able to revive the dead, not control them). When arguing with Antonia in her office, Marnie says “Don’t abandon us.” and has two separate sets of mannerisms and accents (you can see the change from the line “They are not innocent!”). Fiona Shaw has three different voices that she uses: Marnie, southern and a little derpy, Antonia, who’s all “My name is Inigo Montoya”, and a third one, unaccented and brittle. Watch her when she goes outside to negotiate the Suicide Pact, she’s speaking in her third voice, there’s none of Marnie’s southern drawl or Antonia’s Latin flair. We saw two Antonias, a clean Antonia who had a problem with killing innocents, and a dirty Antonia with the black lines on her face and chest, that we saw possess Marnie in Bill’s Not A Torture Dungeon. Lala isn’t possessed by the spirit of Marnie at the end of ‘Soul of Fire’, he’s possessed by the demon (in an interview with Nathan Ellis, he said that Alan Ball told him specifically not to act like Marnie when he was ‘possessed’ by her).

God has nothing to do with it, indeed.

Frucissiere was from a squad of 18 demons belonging to the demon Duke Syrach. Now, Frucissiere’s demons-in-arms each have a rather specific power, which correlate with quite a lot of the bullshit and Beelshit  we’ve seen this season on True Blood, stuff that a lot of people have written off to the writers being stupid/hacks/on drugs/replaced by lemurs/replaced by lemurs on drugs.

Duke Syrach’s Super Awesome Demon Squad GO!

CLAUNECK: has power over riches, can cause treasures to be found. He can give great riches to he who makes a pact with him. *Bill has enough money to pimp out his mansion, open up a senior center, reimburse the county for Sookie’s rescue squad, pay for all those guards, be one of the state’s most influential benefactors, and get a shiny new pinky ring, all when LA’s vampire government was broke. He may have been wealthy all along, but we don’t know for certain.*

MUSISIN: has power over great lords, teaches all that happens in the Republics, and the affairs of the Allies. Politics, basically. His sigils are very similar to those of Beelzebub (demons often have aliases), who lives in Africa. *And which newly appointed political leader has a bunch of African shit all over his bachelor pad? That poor zebra.*

FRIMOST: has power over the minds and bodies of women and girls, and will help you to obtain their use. *The treatment of its female characters been a major complaint about this season; Sophie-Anne just stands still and allows Bill to execute her, Pam has become a useless hysterical female more concerned about her face than her maker, Sookie has forgotten that Bill had the shit beat out of her in order to force her to be his, Jess is turning into Bill, Tara has let go of all her justified rage towards Bill…wait, Tara, let go of rage? Please. She’s obviously being controlled by a demon.*
 

KLEPOTH: makes you see all sorts of dreams and visions. *Gosh, this never happens on TB, does it? Bill never just barged in on Sookie’s threesome dream like a big unwelcome thing, parking his piano in her living room (right where her Eric-bought TV was), and then Sookie starts spouting off about love love looooove and feminism and swimming with dolphins even though she’s scared of water or whatever. And Eric’s dream about Evil!Godric and his face-touching and his damnation.*    

HUMOTS: can bring you any book you desire. *Rather like when that book that just so happened to have the spell the Scoobies were looking for oh so conveniently jumped off the shelf at Moon Goddess Emporium, which was inexcusably cheesy and moronic otherwise. Tara is also reading a book on demons when this happens.*
 

MERSILDE: has the power to transport anyone in an instant, anywhere, or use astral projection/remote viewing *The scrying in the blood puddle, and possibly how Jesus/Lala made a 20-hour trip from Mexico in an afternoon.*

HICPACTH: will bring you a person, or visions thereof, in an instant, even if they are far away. *Teleportation.*
 

CLISTHERT: controls whether it is day or night, and can bring about either according to your wish. *I suppose a shield made from the sun’s power falls under his jurisdiction.*

MORAIL: can make anything, including people, invisible. *Like say, some members of your witchy coven.*

BECHARD: has power over winds and tempests, over lightning, hail and rain. *All that magical wind, and the Fog of Convenience during the graveyard fight.*

FRUCISSIERE: revives the dead, or appears to. *This applies to Minerva, and possibly when Sookie heard her Gran at the Moon Goddess Emporium.*

GULAND: causes all illnesses. *Is Magical Leprosy considered an illness?*

FRUTIMIERE: prepares all kinds of feasts for you. *Maryanne was a rather bitchin’ party planner, wasn’t she?*

And these guys haven’t made an appearance yet. Must be on their lunch.

SURGAT: opens every kind of lock, and not necessarily a literal lock.

SIRCHADE: makes you see all sorts of natural and supernatural creatures.

KHIL: makes great earthquakes.

SEGAL: will cause all sorts of prodigies to appear. Prodigies not only refers to gifted people, but also omens and events wondrous and monstrous.
 
HUICTIIGARAS: causes sleep in the case of some, and insomnia in others.

Since these guys are all part of the same squad, were first written about in a rather famous book of magic, and are usually written about together, it’s probable that the writers and Alan Ball, having done their research enough to find Frucissiere’s phone number, most likely read about his fellow demons-in-arms. And with their powers on display in certain incidents this season, it appears as though they incorporated them within the story. And that just makes everything so much better, because hell if it don’t implicate one Mister Compton in consorting with the devil.

Yes, it must be true that HBO’s most beloved King since Joffrey, his Royal Mendaciousness Bill Compton has been in on it from the beginning (and possibly has been working with demons even way back when he was just loitering around Merlotte’s fussing with his man-bangs). Because otherwise, his actions over the past week (in TB time, this season has only been 9 days so far) make absolutely no sense. If he was just a vampire leader besieged by necromancers, WHY would he continue to throw dead people at them? That’s like trying to suffocate a fish by sticking it in water, and even Bill is not that stupid. But, if he was in league with Marnie/Frucissiere, conspiring with them to kill Eric and the rest of Sophie-Anne’s sheriffs (but mostly Eric), his repeated dragging of Eric in front of them begins to make sense. Sure, it’s a clumsy plan, but this is Bill Compton we’re talking about, he’s not exactly Sun Tzu.

I believe the assassination attempt at the Tolerance Thing was Bill’s ultimate goal (key word here being attempt). But things went awry from the beginning. I don’t think step one of his plan was to give Eric amnesia and let him wander off to get picked up by Sookie. Marnie even said that it was a basic protection spell (which those viewers who spoke Latin clued us in on ages ago) that she used shouldn’t have done what it did. I think whatever it was that possessed Marnie was supposed to bewitch Eric (like she would later do at the graveyard), but it wasn’t strong enough yet and half-assed the job. Sookie threw a wrench in his plans when she picked Eric up off the road. The assassination attempt at the Tolerance Thing was set to happen all along, but Bill was supposed to kill Eric and get rid of the rest of Sophie-Anne’s sheriffs at the same time, gain public sympathy, and totally look the hero and come out smelling like roses. Sookie, again, threw a wrench in his plans (she does that a lot). Fuckin’ Sookie, completely oblivious to the fact that she is the happy little iceberg to Bill’s Titanic. Stay gold, Pony Girl.

About Sookie…I’m pretty sure that Sookie has been a victim of Bill since season 1. Not only in the ways we’ve already seen (the blood-filling, the violence, the manipulation, the threats, the lies), or the ways suggested (addling her brain with his rabies, control through fear), but also with demons. Mirrors are a common way to summon or communicate with demons, and Sookie has made most of her Awesomely Bad Life Choices Favoring Bill while in front of a mirror:

  • She decided to sleep with him the first time after undressing in front of a mirror.
  • She forgives him for Uncle Bartlett in front of a mirror that he deliberately stopped her in front of.

  • She forgives him for his assholeness over the Jessica’s Parents incident after looking in Fangtasia’s mirror.
  • She agrees to marry him (even after showing reluctance and reservations like 30 seconds before) after looking in a mirror.
  • Sookie and Bill start their lovely Choke-Sex session with him post-van draining in front of her vanity mirror.
  • And in Bill’s living room (where the recent Eric/Sookie couch conversation happened) there’s a small mirror in a giant sun-shaped frame hanging above the couch.

I also think that there is going to be either a full on Gran reveal, or the implication of one, where it turns out Bill was the one to murder Gran and implant the false memories of it in Rene. I believe he used her death as a blood sacrifice to the demon Frimost in order to gain control over Sookie (which has been difficult to keep, with her latent fairy magic). His dominion over Sookie really didn’t get into full gear until after her death, when she was vulnerable and lost, much easier prey.

In True Blood magic, both intent and blood are important factors (at least according to the witches). Martonia/Fruscissiere got more powerful the more blood that was spilled. Neither her (nor Bill) would have to voice their desires if they let their intentions known. Their words are very carefully chosen to talk around the conversation. The most blatant example is when Bill tells the lady sheriff outside MGE to shut up, and Martonia spells her to attack Bill, allowing him to kill her with reason. Keeping up appearances is very important to King Bill, its why he had Katie infiltrate a group he was controlling/aiding. So she could inform him of their necromancy shenanigans, thus allowing him to send Eric to his doom without making it look intentional.

Outside the Moon Goddess Emporium in ‘Soul of Fire’, during the Suicide Pact, Bill says he will shoot Eric and Pam will shoot him. I don’t doubt that he intended to shoot Eric, but he had nothing to fear from Pam. She was still in thrall to either Martonia or Bill. You can tell because of the big black vein that appears on the side of her face after Bill kills the black sheriff (another blood sacrifice). Black blood indicates a possessed vamp, since they all bleed black when in thrall (Luis went all black-veiny in Bill’s office, when Eric and the two other sheriffs are shot they bleed black, and Blackburn vomits up black blood at first when Nan stakes him). I’m pretty sure Eric is onto what is happening by now, because you just don’t go from this:

Such respect!

to being a Dutiful Henchman in less than a week (I don’t care how magical Sookie’s gash is). He’s faster than a bullet, so even if those are wooden bullets in the guns he has little to fear. He’s been playing Bill since he got his memory back.

His odd reaction to being reunited with Pam makes more sense if you think he can tell something is wrong with her (it’s a better explanation than Eric Is An Asshole Who Only Cares About Sookie). Notice how as soon as Pam was spelled with the Magical Leprosy, she was totally OOC (almost a pantomime of herself) and suddenly no longer suspected Bill in setting up Eric. And repeated one of her earlier lines almost verbatim, but this time it was her face you don’t fuck with, not her maker (do any of us really believe Pam cares more about her face than Eric)? She maintained her character while being tortured by the Magister, but gets a little over-exfoliated and she loses her shit? No. Not Pam.

But these demons, man, they’re wily things, and everything began to skid out of control. You can see when Bill starts to lose it outside the MGE when he thinks Martonia is actually trying to kill him/not follow his orders. At some point the two of them really began to try to kill each other. And now that its is out and about again, Demon-Lala will be out to make sure Bill gets all his bad juju back.  

I also don’t fully trust Jesus “My Gene Pool Is A Lake Of Fire” Velasquez. I like him, I just don’t trust him. He’s too helpful, and you never trust the helpful stranger in fairy tales, they only ever have poison apples or bags of wolves to offer (this is also why I don’t trust Holly). He was standing right behind Marnie when both Eric and Pam were spelled. We only know Lala is a medium because he says so (and I don’t fully trust his motivation). The only other ghosts Lala saw were Tio Luca (from the demonish Velasquez family), Mavis (who, lest we forget, set fire to a house with children and an armadillo inside, which is kind of not cool, and who’s storyline was so cheesy and overwrought and ridiculous that it makes me suspect its fake) and Antonia (whom he described as ‘dirty’, though ghost Antonia has always been clean, it was only that thing in Bill’s cell that was dirty). Being a medium doesn’t really mesh with what we saw of Lala’s powers last year, when he had those ‘visions’ (Rene choking Arlene/Sam with blood on his hands/Jesus’s demon face) which were more like he was seeing someone’s fears or personal demons. I think Lala is either a part-demon, or can see demons, or is some kind of magical conduit, or is being sacrificed to demons, otherwise there’s more to being a medium than anyone (but Jesus) knows. This isn’t going to end well.

I actually can’t wait for the finale, because I really believe it will be an intense mindfuck, and I am eager for more evidence that my theory is accurate (please please let this season not just be a case of writers getting replaced by ring-tailed lemurs on meth). Because if it is, goddamn if season 5 isn’t going to the most fuckawesometastic thing, and full of Eric being one BAMF (cause Bill fucked with Sookie and Bill fucked with Pam, and Eric is not going to appreciate that one bit). Eric will strike down upon the demon-consorter Compton with the wrath of an avenging angel, one of those vicious Old Testament angels that would lay waste to cites, smite the unholy, and drink blood from your heart like a milkshake.

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