[Exit, Pursued By A Sloth]

luvtheviking:

Deadlocked Amazon UK synopsis

“Sookie has a murder investigation on her hands. A young girl has died at a vampire party – and it looks as though her lover, Eric, might be responsible. Eric swears he didn’t do it, the police don’t believe him, and even Sookie isn’t so sure. Nor is she inclined to take his word for it,

not having caught him enjoying the victim’s blood minutes before she was killed. But something strange is going on. Why had Sookie been asked to come to the fateful party a few minutes early – just to catch Eric in the act? And why had the victim spiked her blood before approaching Eric? Was it simply because she wanted to be irresistible, or was it something more sinister? Sookie will have to find out … but it’s the worst moment to investigate, as her Fae family are having troubles of their own and Sookie is, inevitably, drawn in. And there is one last complication. The cluviel dor her grandmother left her. It will grant her one wish, which could fulfil Sookie’s heart’s desire. The only problem is, she still doesn’t know what – or who – her heart truly desires …”

JESUS FUCKING NARNIA LION CHRIST, CHARLAINE HARRIS! Are you fucking serious with this shit? Sookie thinks Eric could have killed that girl? And she’s going to be investigating him alongside her rapist? And she still doesn’t know WHO her heart desires?

If It Turns Out Sookie Has Serious Doubts About Eric’s Truthfulness And Investigates Him Alongside Her Rapist:

If There Is Any Hint Of Sex Or Romance Between Sookie And Her Rapist, Or If Her Rapist So Much As Hits On Her, Or If She Confides In Her Rapist About Her Doubts About Her Lover, Or Any Other Fucking Scene Between Her And Her Rapist That Tries To Act Like The Rape Didn’t Happen:

If Charlaine Forgets That She Pretty Much Had Sookie Realize She Loved And Wanted Eric In The Last Book, Ergo She Pretty Much Knows Who Her Heart Desires:

If The Person Fucking With Sookie’s Life Turns Out To Be Anyone Other Than Bill Compton:

If Bill Compton, Rapist, Tries To Tout The Superiority Of His Moral Or Sexual Character AGAIN, And Gets Away With It:

To Bill Compton, Part-Time Investigator And Full Time Friendly Neighborhood Rapist:

How Charlaine Makes Me Feel When She Writes Another Chapter In Her Sookie Has Adventures With Her Friendly Neighborhood Rapist Series:

Fuck this Shit.